I can't believe it's been over 2 weeks since I've posted last. My life feels as if it's been in fast forward and just now I've had the chance to hit play. At the beginning of April, I thought, what a bad month to be focusing on Marriage. My husband had just been notified he would be out of the country for 10 days and I had also planned my yearly holistic weekend getaway with my mom. How can you focus on your marriage when half the month will be spent apart?
It turns out that the old saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is actually true. And not just because I was single mom-ing it for a week, but because it really gives you a chance to step back and reflect on your behavior, your action or non-action. If that makes any sense at all... What I mean is I really had a chance to see what my husband does for the family on a daily basis and what I am able to accomplish because of everything he does. It may not seem like a big deal, but everyday when he takes the kids to school, it gives me the opportunity to go for a run without waking at the crack of dawn. I could go on, but mostly we have found the time to reconnect in small ways. I sucked ass at giving proofs of love, I definitely nagged but I didn't dump my problems on him that he couldn't solve, I didn't expect praise or appreciation and I tried my hardest to fight right.
Every year, my mom has headed off to Naramata, BC for the Spring Festival of Awareness. For some, it may be overwhelmingly "granola" or "hippyish" but it's an amazingly restful and spiritual weekend. It's a chance to reconnect with yourself and this year was more than I could have ever imagined for. My mother and I, along with two friends of mine, headed off for a weekend of bliss. I gained some serious insight into my life, what is truly important, shed some "baggage" and came home a new person. Without spending a moment with my husband, I felt more centered to tackle life... together.
It's been an emotional week for the both of us, each for different reasons. Tonight as we ate dinner, Dylan told me about the little girl he met in India this past week who was being ignored as she was trying to get the attention of some people outside of a restaurant. They thought she was trying to sell something but she kept pointing at the water bottle that belonged to a man standing next to my husband. It's not that they were bad people, it's just that they are so used to it they don't even see it anymore. The thought of any child wandering the streets, no parents, and begging for water is more than I can bear. (For the record, they did give her their water to drink). Thinking of that really puts life into perspective. For all the things I complain about, nothing can compare to the suffering that little girl endures on a daily basis. This weekend, one of the presenters in a workshop I attended said, "It's not that I expect I can stop all the children in Africa from starving, I just want to live in a world that gives a shit that there are children starving in Africa". The small mundane things that we bicker about (in marriage and in life) just don't feel important enough to waste energy on anymore.
All in all, I feel this month may not have been as "successful" as the past months, but it felt more real, more honest. I went deeper into it than I originally thought I would, and am so grateful for what has come out of it. Whoever said marriage is a full time job, really hit the nail on the head. I'm pretty lucky to have my hubby as my co-worker. :)
Monday 30 April 2012
Sunday 15 April 2012
Sun Run... Woot woot!!!
I knew yesterday that as much as I did not want to participate in the Vancouver Sun Run, that I would be really glad I did, once it was over. I don't like pressure. I wasn't worried about actually running 10km, I was worried that I wouldn't find the start line, or miss the bus back to my brother and sister-in-law's place afterwards to shower (talk about 3rd world problems). And, I'm just not all that competitive. So all in all, I just wasn't feeling it. But, this blog was created to keep me accountable... And I promise you, if I had not blogged about doing the Sun Run, I would have absolutely bailed on it today.
Just over two months ago, I started running regularly as part of my happiness project. My first run was a mere 4km and let me tell you, it felt a lot longer than that at the time. Now, 10km is not easy by any means, but in January I would have bet money that I wouldn't be able to run that distance in under an hour . So today I am so happy that I completed my first official 10km run in 57 minutes and 57.4 seconds. 47 000 other people joined me and I spent the majority of my time dodging runners. It was soooooo crowded (It took 59 mins just to cross the START line!!!!). Considering all that, I'm ecstatic about my time. I'll take it! After all the worrying and complaining, I am glad I did it... I'm feeling pretty proud of myself. :)
Just over two months ago, I started running regularly as part of my happiness project. My first run was a mere 4km and let me tell you, it felt a lot longer than that at the time. Now, 10km is not easy by any means, but in January I would have bet money that I wouldn't be able to run that distance in under an hour . So today I am so happy that I completed my first official 10km run in 57 minutes and 57.4 seconds. 47 000 other people joined me and I spent the majority of my time dodging runners. It was soooooo crowded (It took 59 mins just to cross the START line!!!!). Considering all that, I'm ecstatic about my time. I'll take it! After all the worrying and complaining, I am glad I did it... I'm feeling pretty proud of myself. :)
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| Taken from my iPhone 20 mins before the start. |
Sunday 8 April 2012
Nagging. Or as I call it, Persuading!
When I started my blog, I promised myself I would "Be Alicia". I needed to be honest about my experiences so at the end of my project I could look back and reflect on my achievements and on my failures as well. Having said that... I've decided that if you are tackling something big, the timing is SO important. Like this past week. Extreme Nice. One week of no nagging, giving proofs of love, etc. Right. Not such a good idea when you are having a PMS week from hell. I usually breeze through it with relatively little irritability, but I was out of control this month. For the record, I bit my tongue a lot this past week, but still the nagging was out of control. I literally could not stop myself. I'm sure any guy reading this will think I'm full of BS, but it is like someone takes over, a sort of demonic possession, lol! And I know my husband is thinking that he doesn't recall any moments where I had any restraint, but I swear I did. I wasn't totally evil. I'm seriously tempted to keep a record of all the annoying things he does this week and how I didn't say a word. I'm JOKING!!! Well maybe only half joking. Would that defeat my purpose? Maybe I'll just keep it for my record and if I ever needed proof... So, I'm exorcising myself today (Is there an app for that?) and restarting my week of Extreme Nice. Right. Now. We went for a run together last weekend and had an awesome time... So today, we are going again. We have decided to make it a regular date and are doing something good for our health too. And we started a TV series together that we both really enjoy (it's a miracle!). So even with the downfalls, the week wasn't a total failure. :)
PS. I searched apps for nagging just for curiosity.... You can rate your nagging, rate others' nagging and the best one I found... HusbandMotivator! Answer 4 short questions about your husband and you get a custom script of phrases that will motivate your man, lmfao! They call nagging... persuading! It sounds so much nicer, lol!
PPS. There’s an old joke about a president walking with his wife, who sees one of her old boyfriends in a less-than-glorious occupation. The president looks at the old boyfriend and remarks, “If you hadn’t married me, you might be married to that guy.”
The first lady answers calmly, “If I had married him, he’d be president.”
Dylan will be singing Bette Midler's "You are the wind beneath my wings" by the end of the week! How's that for a visual?!?
PS. I searched apps for nagging just for curiosity.... You can rate your nagging, rate others' nagging and the best one I found... HusbandMotivator! Answer 4 short questions about your husband and you get a custom script of phrases that will motivate your man, lmfao! They call nagging... persuading! It sounds so much nicer, lol!
PPS. There’s an old joke about a president walking with his wife, who sees one of her old boyfriends in a less-than-glorious occupation. The president looks at the old boyfriend and remarks, “If you hadn’t married me, you might be married to that guy.”
The first lady answers calmly, “If I had married him, he’d be president.”
Dylan will be singing Bette Midler's "You are the wind beneath my wings" by the end of the week! How's that for a visual?!?
Sunday 1 April 2012
Remember Love
March is officially over and a new month brings new resolutions. Overall, March was generally fun. I will admit, spending a rare sunny day in my basement hauling out items for trash or donation, wasn't fun at the time. But not dodging random Rubbermaid containers filled with anonymous camping gear on my way to the treadmill is extremely satisfying. I anticipate April will be more challenging... Marriage.
APRIL
Remember Love
Marriage
Resolutions:
Quit Nagging.
Don't expect Praise or Appreciation.
Fight Right.
No dumping.
Give Proofs of Love.
As I reread Gretchen Rubin's chapter on Marriage in her book "The Happiness Project" this morning, I felt renewed. Making a "project" out of my marriage seems bizarre to me and I admit, a bit of a daunting task. A marriage takes two people, and as the Happiness Project is about changing myself, not my husband, it seems unfair that I need to be the only one to change. I just didn't want to do the work. She writes, "My marriage was the foundation for all the other important choices in my life: where I lived, having kids, my friends, my work, my leisure. The atmosphere for my marriage set the weather for my whole life". Okay... I get it. It's amazing how the most important relationship in your life is often the one that suffers the most neglect. I know from talking to other women (it's what I do for a living) that I am not the only one. Your partner is supposed to love you for better or worse, but that doesn't give anyone the excuse to behave badly. And for those of you with small kids, it's even harder to make time for each other. For my month's challenges, I've decided to tackle the exact resolutions that Gretchen did. They won't be easy by any means, especially (if you have read my earlier posts) I have issues with things always being "fair". Sometimes drastic change is helpful to kick a bad habit. I have friends who swear by cleanses to kick start a diet, and many people go "cold turkey" when quitting smoking. With this idea in mind, I'm going cold turkey for a week, which happens to be the amount of time it takes to kick a habit. As Gretchen called it, a Week of Extreme Nice that "stretched me beyond my ordinary efforts, that showed me new depths within myself". I'm heading to the library this week as well to pick up some material on bettering your marriage. I think every relationship, no matter how great it is, can always use some improvement. Dylan and I are coming up on our 7 year wedding anniversary (where did the time go?) and although Dylan has some amazing qualities (he's an incredible dad, works hard, does ALL the cooking, cleans, etc) the bad qualities are the ones that I often focus on. My hope for this month, is that my good behavior will trigger him to give me the things that I need from our marriage. Because as I've discovered... nagging him to be more dependable, supportive, etc just doesn't work! I remember watching Seal and Heidi Klum on Oprah (I know they just split up, but the advice is still great) as he offered up some advice on marriage. He said that if you treat your spouse the way you treat your best friend, your marriage will flourish. It's okay to have disagreements, but name calling, swearing and overreacting are unacceptable behaviors. So here goes... month two. A new set of tasks while still maintaining my resolutions from last month. Wish me luck!
APRIL
Remember Love
Marriage
Resolutions:
Quit Nagging.
Don't expect Praise or Appreciation.
Fight Right.
No dumping.
Give Proofs of Love.
As I reread Gretchen Rubin's chapter on Marriage in her book "The Happiness Project" this morning, I felt renewed. Making a "project" out of my marriage seems bizarre to me and I admit, a bit of a daunting task. A marriage takes two people, and as the Happiness Project is about changing myself, not my husband, it seems unfair that I need to be the only one to change. I just didn't want to do the work. She writes, "My marriage was the foundation for all the other important choices in my life: where I lived, having kids, my friends, my work, my leisure. The atmosphere for my marriage set the weather for my whole life". Okay... I get it. It's amazing how the most important relationship in your life is often the one that suffers the most neglect. I know from talking to other women (it's what I do for a living) that I am not the only one. Your partner is supposed to love you for better or worse, but that doesn't give anyone the excuse to behave badly. And for those of you with small kids, it's even harder to make time for each other. For my month's challenges, I've decided to tackle the exact resolutions that Gretchen did. They won't be easy by any means, especially (if you have read my earlier posts) I have issues with things always being "fair". Sometimes drastic change is helpful to kick a bad habit. I have friends who swear by cleanses to kick start a diet, and many people go "cold turkey" when quitting smoking. With this idea in mind, I'm going cold turkey for a week, which happens to be the amount of time it takes to kick a habit. As Gretchen called it, a Week of Extreme Nice that "stretched me beyond my ordinary efforts, that showed me new depths within myself". I'm heading to the library this week as well to pick up some material on bettering your marriage. I think every relationship, no matter how great it is, can always use some improvement. Dylan and I are coming up on our 7 year wedding anniversary (where did the time go?) and although Dylan has some amazing qualities (he's an incredible dad, works hard, does ALL the cooking, cleans, etc) the bad qualities are the ones that I often focus on. My hope for this month, is that my good behavior will trigger him to give me the things that I need from our marriage. Because as I've discovered... nagging him to be more dependable, supportive, etc just doesn't work! I remember watching Seal and Heidi Klum on Oprah (I know they just split up, but the advice is still great) as he offered up some advice on marriage. He said that if you treat your spouse the way you treat your best friend, your marriage will flourish. It's okay to have disagreements, but name calling, swearing and overreacting are unacceptable behaviors. So here goes... month two. A new set of tasks while still maintaining my resolutions from last month. Wish me luck!
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