I just had the most amazing thing happen... I woke up at 9am, when my body felt it was time to get up (and not to the noise of an alarm or to the sound of my children physically abusing each other)! It can only mean one thing... Weekend Getaway!!! That's right... My husband surprised me last night and whisked me off for my early birthday present, and I am serious when I say: sleeping in is the best present a parent of young children could ever receive.
It is the fourth month in my Happiness Project and June's focus is Lighten up: Parenthood. And I couldn't think of a better time to reflect on the way I interact with my kids than when I have a few days away from them, lol!
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Acknowledge the reality of people's feelings.
I took this one right out of The Happiness Project. I have only read one parenting book in my life and it was at a time when I was willing to do ANYTHING to get my then 11 month old son to sleep through the night. He was waking up 4 to 5 times per night, every night, and I was on the verge of crazy. Who am I kidding... I was full on crazy. It's not that I don't think reading books on parenting aren't a really great idea... I really have tried to read a couple others but I just can't seem to get through them. So when Gretchen Rubin talks about this specific parenting strategy that she read (in her opinion, the greatest parenting book ever), I thought, "I could do that"! She sums it up by saying don't deny feelings such as anger, irritation, fear or reluctance; instead, articulate the feeling and the other person's point of view. It really does sound easy, but she goes on to say how it really is a hard habit to break. I think of all the times I do the exact opposite. Like when my daughter whines that she is too tired to walk anymore, her legs hurt (and we have been walking for only a few short minutes) we say, "You are NOT too tired, you silly monkey. Come on, let's keep going". Instead, (and I will admit it sounds like psychiatrist talk) we should say, "You want to stop walking. Your legs hurt and you are tired". She also gives a few simple strategies to show her children that she acknowledges their feelings.
Write it down. "I'm going to write that down. Aidan doesn't like wearing these pants!" And I'm going to have to do it without a sarcastic tone in my voice. Dylan: This means you too!!!
Don't feel as if I need to say anything. Sometimes a cuddle will cure the problem without saying a word.
Wave a magic wand. "If I had a magic wand I would make it stop raining so you wouldn't have to wear a coat to school."
Admit that a task is difficult. Gretchen writes. "Studies show that people tend to persevere longer with problems they've been told are difficult as opposed to easy. I'd been doing the exact opposite with Eleanor (her 7 year old daughter). Thinking I was being encouraging, I'd say 'It's not tough to pull off your socks, just give it a try.' I switched to saying things such as 'Socks can be tough to get off. Sometimes it helps to push down the back part over your ankle, instead of pulling off the toe."
The last one is going to be particularly effective with Aidan, my 6 year old son, who is an absolute perfectionist (I have no idea where he gets that from, lol!). All he wants in life is to be treated like a grown up, which is kind of sad. We have been saying his entire life that he is a little old man trapped in a kid's body. He doesn't want to think that he can't do something especially if it's supposed to be an easy task. But if i tell him it's hard, he won't feel silly if he struggles to complete a task.
-Be a treasure house of happy memories.
Our family is young, but my husband have both realized the importance of traditions. We have carried on some traditions from our own childhood, and have also created new traditions. For example, when Aidan was a baby, I took him to Hallmark before Christmas so he could pick out an ornament. Ok... he was 10 months old, I held him up to the one I wanted him to pick... but every year, I take my kids to Hallmark so they can pick out their ornament. And when we get our tree, They hang them in order from their first Christmas to the most recent. I think I look forward to it more than they do. When I was young, every pay day, my mom would take my sister and I out for Chinese food and then we would go bowling. I forgot how much I loved doing that, so we are going to start family date night with our kids and hopefully, when they are grown, they will have those special memories like I did.
I'm going to leave it at that. Two "simple" resolutions for this month. I've been given some new strategies to deal with the temper tantrums. And going back to one of my original "Commandments" I set for myself at the beginning of my happiness project, Let it go. After all, it won't be long before they are all grown up. Life needs a bit more "silly".
PS. The parenting books that Gretchen refers to are
Siblings without Rivalry and
How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. :)
