Verbal Assault

The summer is rapidly coming to an end. I wait every year for the (hopefully) 2 months of sun. This summer was the first time we have had the kids home full time in 3 years. Is it bad that I can't wait for school to start again?!? My kids are awesome (most of the time) but they need a break from each other, and us too. The school supplies are bought, new clothes washed and ready to wear. I've even bought my new back to school supplies!

This past month's focus in my Happiness Project was to buy some happiness. Buy needful things. Indulge in a modest splurge. Spend out on the things you have been holding off on. Gretchen Rubin, the author of The Happiness Project said she would use razors until they were extremely dull, toothbrushes till they were yellowed and frayed, save fancy stationary for something special. I love that she writes, "As part of my happiness project I wanted to stop hoarding, to trust in abundance, so that I could use things up, give things away, throw things out. Not only that- I wanted to stop worrying so much about keeping score and profit and loss. I wanted to spend out." For me, the phrase, to trust in abundance, really struck a chord with me.

If you have ever had to watch your pennies, it's hard to let go of the memory. My grandparents were raised by poor immigrant parents. They learned at a very early age to make a dollar stretch and in turn, those lessons were passed to my mom. My mom has worked hard and saved her whole life, which is a good thing, but when I was little, she rarely spent money on herself. About 10 years ago, my mom had asked me to help her organize her garage. She is really bad at letting items go, "Just in case she might need it one day". We were just getting on a roll, tossing the broken containers, getting rid of the stuff she just could not justify keeping, when I went to toss the lid to a large, shallow container we had just put tall bottles of cleaning supplies in. The lid could not possibly fit onto the container anymore. We bickered back and forth about the fate of the container's lid and eventually I was verbally assaulted about how I just throw money away. You have to picture my mother. She is a tiny woman, very gentle, rarely swears and never has a bad thing to say about anyone (unless they really deserve it!). She was so stressed out about the thought of throwing something away that wasn't broken horrified her and she would do anything to make it not happen. What I was trying to do back then, in a way, was to help my mom spend out. If she really needed another container exactly that shape one day, she could go get another one.

I have been holding off on some major "to-dos" for awhile, waiting till it was absolutely necessary. So this month, with my goals in mind, I purchased a laptop that I desperately needed for my back to school. My septic tank is getting pumped this morning. I replaced my broken cordless phone (with a cheap model, but hey! It works). Some of the things have been on the "Tackle the Nagging Task List" for years and boy does it feel good to cross them off!

I was just rereading last month's post and realized I had written about two resolutions for the month. Whoops! A bit of a mix up. I had originally started off with "Make time for friends" for August's agenda, but there were some things I desperately needed to spend out on sooner rather than later. So I switched them up but obviously didn't proofread my post before I published it (and probably confused most of you). So having said that, next month's goal will be to "Make time for friends": Remember birthdays. Be Generous. Show up. Don't gossip. Make three new friends. School for me starts in just 17 days and I'm excited about the idea of welcoming new friends into my life, as well as the challenge of making time for my pals when life if sure to become a crazy zoo. In a good way of course. ;) I am fortunate I have so many wonderful friends in my life and whether I see them often, or even just twice a year, I'm making a point to let each and everyone of them know how much they mean to me. Just knowing I have so many wonderful people to turn to if I need some help, or to share in my joys and achievements means everything to me. Xoxo.

Buy Some Happiness!

I'm half way through my happiness project... It's unbelievable actually. I am constantly amazed at how fast time is moving and I have a feeling life is about figuring out how to move faster (or you get left behind). This month's resolutions in my project are about making time for friends, which is actually a hard task to do in the last few weeks of summer. Everyone seems to be cramming in last minute holidays or trips to the beach with their kids and I am no exception. And because this is the halfway mark, I feel the need to reflect on my entire happiness project as a whole.

Every month, as I begin the next part of the happiness project, I reread the chapter of Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project. Throughout the book, she talks about the importance of her "Resolutions Chart" and  how it kept her accountable to her resolutions. I originally had a chart made up of my resolutions but never followed through. I can totally see why they are so important though, and this month I am going to make a chart so I don't lose sight of my goals. Like my vision board, the chart is a way to keep myself on track. When I think back over all I have achieved in the last 6 months, I'm really proud of myself. Some things have been easier to achieve than other, some goals have pushed me harder than I thought I would (or could) go. I've had some amazing surprises along the way, but all in all, it has helped me get a clearer picture of what is important to me and even more importantly, the things that I thought were important and actually are not. One of the other things that was unexpected, was the "God winks" (as one client referred to them) that have happened along the way. You know... the little things that let you know you are on the right path, or to give you a little boost when you need it most. Most recently, I had applied for a grant for going back to school, thinking that even a little bit to help with textbooks would be great. I received a letter a few days ago and my course is paid for, plus a bit extra that will pay for my textbook and a bit towards my new laptop I bought for back to school. It is an amazing feeling when you know you are on the right path.

So... This month's resolutions are to "Buy Some Happiness: Money". Indulge in a modest splurge. Buy needful things. Spend out. Give something up. Sounds easy! Ha! I've said that before. ;)

Collecting is not hoarding!

It's a week into July and I figured I better get blogging. As they say... Better late than never! 

As a part of my happiness project, July is a month to "Be Serious About Play". In Gretchen Rubin's book, The Happiness Project, she writes, "In an irony that didn't escape me, I prepared to work doggedly at fun and be serious about joking around". And so this month, as I prepared to do the same, I was forced to really look at my life and explore what I deem to be fun.

Monthly Resolutions:

Find More Fun. Two years ago during a workshop I unknowingly began a dramatic change in my life. We were asked to write a list of ten things that, if social judgements and money were not an issue, we would do today for fun. I had over 50. Photography, painting, organising... So why wasn't I doing any of these things? Well... money is an issue for most people with small kids, and I was no exception. But nonetheless, a seed was planted. Even though I wasn't able to take action on a lot of things on the list, it was the realization that most of the items on my "fun" list could be combined in interior design. And so the dream of pursuing a career in that field seemed less silly. I always used to say, "I'll do that in my next life". A good friend one day said, "Why not this life?" I still can't believe I'm actually going back to school to do just that in two months.

Take Time to be Silly. Particularly... allow my children to be silly and join in their silliness. As I was writing my last sentence, I looked at my kids building a fort on our deck. I grabbed two big blankets and helped them drape the blankets over some chairs to make a sun shelter. They were thrilled and it took me one minute. It sounds like a pretty basic thing to play with your kids, but mine are amazing at entertaining themselves so I don't usually think to join in. I've always felt it's important for kids to use their imagination and to have independence, but they love it when I make a point to play.

Start A Collection. Gretchen writes, "A collection provides a mission, a reason to visit new places, the excitement of the chase, a field of expertise (no matter how trivial), and, often, a bond with other people. It sounded like so much fun". Growing up, my mom was a pack rat extraordinaire. As an adult, I feared having too much stuff around, so the idea of a collection was frightening. I have realized I will never be the person who collects ladybugs, or chickens in the kitchen, etc. But it is possible to collect without collecting clutter. The last time I collected anything, I was 10 and I collected pictures of Jonathan Taylor Thomas, lol! Time to find a new interest, seriously. Last month, for my birthday, my sister-in-law and fellow design enthusiast, bought me a beautiful coffee table book on interior design and said it could be the beginning of a collection. Done! Now I just need a proper coffee table to display them on!

Go off the Path. Try a new restaurant, a new wine. Read a book that wouldn't normally be one I would choose. Whatever it may be, this month I will "Do different". And who knows? Maybe I will find a new source of fun in an unexpected place.

Summer Camp anyone?

It seems that the summer has decided to hibernate this year. As the rainy days add up, my children are progressively getting crabbier. I know they won't melt in the rain, but I'm not interested in standing out there with them. So... June has been a long month to say the least. School is rapidly coming to an end and I worry that having both kids full time at home this summer may prove to be a challenge at best. Did I hear someone say Summer camp? Lol!

Considering the obstacles I've faced this month, I think I've done reasonably well for my monthly goals of "lightening up". It wasn't until yesterday (after four consecutive days of my children seriously testing my patience) that I finally lost it and the kids were sent to their rooms with a severe reprimanding. Now the only thing I've lost is my voice. Damn. As the month is quickly coming to an end (I feel like I'm saying this every blog entry now) I keep thinking, "How can I make more time for play in my life"?

Next month in my Happiness Project is: Be Serious About Play. I just hope the sun cooperates for the month. We are kicking the first weekend off with what is becoming our annual family camping trip and I'm really looking forward to it. But whatever Mother Nature may bring, I'm determined to make the best of it!

Life needs a bit more "Silly"

I just had the most amazing thing happen... I woke up at 9am, when my body felt it was time to get up (and not to the noise of an alarm or to the sound of my children physically abusing each other)! It can only mean one thing... Weekend Getaway!!! That's right... My husband surprised me last night and whisked me off for my early birthday present, and I am serious when I say: sleeping in is the best present a parent of young children could ever receive.

It is the fourth month in my Happiness Project and June's focus is Lighten up: Parenthood. And I couldn't think of a better time to reflect on the way I interact with my kids than when I have a few days away from them, lol!

-Acknowledge the reality of people's feelings.

I took this one right out of The Happiness Project. I have only read one parenting book in my life and it was at a time when I was willing to do ANYTHING to get my then 11 month old son to sleep through the night. He was waking up 4 to 5 times per night, every night, and I was on the verge of crazy. Who am I kidding... I was full on crazy. It's not that I don't think reading books on parenting aren't a really great idea... I really have tried to read a couple others but I just can't seem to get through them. So when Gretchen Rubin talks about this specific parenting strategy that she read (in her opinion, the greatest parenting book ever), I thought, "I could do that"! She sums it up by saying don't deny feelings such as anger, irritation, fear or reluctance; instead, articulate the feeling and the other person's point of view. It really does sound easy, but she goes on to say how it really is a hard habit to break. I think of all the times I do the exact opposite. Like when my daughter whines that she is too tired to walk anymore, her legs hurt (and we have been walking for only a few short minutes) we say, "You are NOT too tired, you silly monkey. Come on, let's keep going". Instead, (and I will admit it sounds like psychiatrist talk) we should say, "You want to stop walking. Your legs hurt and you are tired". She also gives a few simple strategies to show her children that she acknowledges their feelings.

Write it down. "I'm going to write that down. Aidan doesn't like wearing these pants!" And I'm going to have to do it without a sarcastic tone in my voice. Dylan: This means you too!!!

Don't feel as if I need to say anything. Sometimes a cuddle will cure the problem without saying a word.

Wave a magic wand. "If I had a magic wand I would make it stop raining so you wouldn't have to wear a coat to school."

Admit that a task is difficult. Gretchen writes. "Studies show that people tend to persevere longer with problems they've been told are difficult as opposed to easy. I'd been doing the exact opposite with Eleanor (her 7 year old daughter). Thinking I was being encouraging, I'd say 'It's not tough to pull off your socks, just give it a try.' I switched to saying things such as 'Socks can be tough to get off. Sometimes it helps to push down the back part over your ankle, instead of pulling off the toe."

The last one is going to be particularly effective with Aidan, my 6 year old son, who is an absolute perfectionist (I have no idea where he gets that from, lol!). All he wants in life is to be treated like a grown up, which is kind of sad. We have been saying his entire life that he is a little old man trapped in a kid's body. He doesn't want to think that he can't do something especially if it's supposed to be an easy task. But if i tell him it's hard, he won't feel silly if he struggles to complete a task.

-Be a treasure house of happy memories. 

Our family is young, but my husband have both realized the importance of traditions. We have carried on some traditions from our own childhood, and have also created new traditions. For example, when Aidan was a baby, I took him to Hallmark before Christmas so he could pick out an ornament. Ok... he was 10 months old, I held him up to the one I wanted him to pick... but every year, I take my kids to Hallmark so they can pick out their ornament. And when we get our tree, They hang them in order from their first Christmas to the most recent. I think I look forward to it more than they do. When I was young, every pay day, my mom would take my sister and I out for Chinese food and then we would go bowling. I forgot how much I loved doing that, so we are going to start family date night with our kids and hopefully, when they are grown, they will have those special memories like I did.

I'm going to leave it at that. Two "simple" resolutions for this month. I've been given some new strategies to deal with the temper tantrums. And going back to one of my original "Commandments" I set for myself at the beginning of my happiness project, Let it go. After all, it won't be long before they are all grown up. Life needs a bit more "silly".


PS. The parenting books that Gretchen refers to are Siblings without Rivalry and How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. :)

Bring it on!

In two weeks time I will be celebrating my 29th birthday. Birthdays have always been a big deal for me. It's not only the attention loving Gemini in me that loves a day when I am celebrated (lol!) but it signifies a brand new year, full of new goals. A sort of personal New Years. I can't help but feel that this year is one of great importance. So often the 30th birthday is regarded as the next big milestone, but the 29th is the completion of our 29th year and the beginning of the 30th year of our lives.

I had a thought this morning as I was going for my run. (It seems running has really become my time for meditation). A life has a lot of similarities to a pregnancy. If you look at a life spanning 90 years, it can be divided into 3 sections (or trimesters), each 30 years. The first 30 years of most people's lives are spent jumping hurdles, learning to talk, walk, going to school, figuring out what we want to do for a living, finding our life partner, having kids, etc. The same goes for a pregnancy... The morning sickness, figuring out what foods you can and cannot bear to eat, studying the right side to sleep on, how much caffeine you can safely consume, lol!

As I'm heading out of the first trimester of life, I feel as if all of the things I have learned, and worked hard to achieve can finally be enjoyed. I have a greater sense of who I am than I ever have before. I know what makes me tick, I have an amazing family and group of friends, and I am grateful that I am surrounded by so many amazingly supportive people in my life. I am finally going back to school this fall!!! It is actually happening! There are so many things to be grateful for in my life.

Creating my vision board was the start. I have found so much inspiration that has come in the form of new people in my life, great advice from friends and stumbling across quotes that have given me the drive to say, "What are you waiting for?". It's no coincidence that I've been saying for years that I can't wait for my 30's. Deep down I've always known that this year is going to be the start of so many wonderful things!

As I head into my "2nd trimester", I am feeling renewed, charged up, ready for the new joys life will bring me. Like in a pregnancy, when you finally feel your baby's kicks for the first time, I feel I have so much to look forward to... with my friends and family with my every step of the way. :)

Call it what you want!

A child calls it a wish, Christians: prayer, Buddhists: meditation. I love when I put a thought out to the universe, however small, and it comes back to me. For example, the dress club I belong to. A few months ago I thought to myself, it would be great to have a reason to get together with my friends once a month. Two days later, without mentioning it, a client told me about the Dress Club she used to belong. I'm not sure why I'm always surprised when this happens because I truly believe in the power of thought. Or when you think about a friend and the phone rings and it's them calling. Maybe it's a coincidence... but maybe its not.

May's focus for my happiness project is Aim Higher:Work. When I was reading this chapter months ago in The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, I remember thinking I didn't particularly want to increase my business. I know that sounds terrible, but I just couldn't think of a way to expand my business in anyway that appealed to me. I didn't want to invest a large amount of money on equipment to offer more services (like spray tanning). I didn't want to take any additional training for esthetics when my passion is elsewhere. That doesn't mean I don't love what I do, but I also don't want to work more hours either when I finally feel after nine years I have a good balance between work, play and family. I just didn't know how it would happen.


If you have been reading my blog from the get-go, you will have read a bit on being mindful. I've been really paying attention to what I'm putting into my body, and reading a ridiculous amount on so many different topics like PH balancing, vitamin absorption, removing toxins in our bodies, etc. Often, when I'm researching products, I read WAY too much and become overwhelmed and then do nothing because I'm am so confused. Typical Gemini. Which is exactly what happened to me this past month. After spending hours reading about PH in our bodies, it left no doubt in my mind that cancer runs rampant in people that are highly acidic. One article I read said, at a PH slightly above 7.4, cancer cells become dormant and at a PH 8.5, cancer cells will die while healthy cells will live. You can control your PH through diet absolutely! Do I have the time to make sure I am always eating an alkaline diet? Almost always the answer is no. I also want to point out that I don't think everyone who is acidic is going to get cancer, but my mom, grandpa and aunt have all had some form of cancer in the past 6 years. Does that mean I will get cancer? Maybe not, but it sure makes me think. There are zillions of products out there to balance PH, but which one is best? What about multi-vitamins? I found one that I really liked but then read that when you open a bottle of vitamins, the capsules that vitamins are encased in doesn't protect the vitamins from oxidation and they become ineffective. One article I read stated, "When exposed to air, vitamin C solution undergoes oxidation and becomes not only ineffective but also potentially harmful (oxidized vitamin C may increase the formation of free radicals)". If I informed you on everything I have read recently regarding cancer and PH and free radicals, etc, etc, you would be bored out of your mind I'm sure. I'm actually boring myself a bit right now repeating it, so let me get to the point. In February, when a close friend of mine started selling detoxifying body wraps I thought, yeah right, if these were so amazing I'm sure I would have heard about them. The idea is that as you put on weight, it is actually your fat cells filling with toxins (which is actually what happens. The purpose of fat cells it to pull toxins away from your organs). Most wraps promise that you will lose inches but it's water weight you lose and it comes right back. These wraps are different. They target specific areas and force the toxins from your fat cells which is how you can see results after only 45 mins. She promised they weren't a gimmick and because I trust her, I gave them a shot. 9 days and 3 wraps later, I had lost the last inch and a half that I could not shed around my stomach (and five weeks later it's still gone)! I needed to know more. It turns out, the company "It Works!" that makes these wraps makes an entire line of homeopathic and wellness products. Again, I started doing my research (I seriously cannot help myself. I am a dork). And here is where the universe comes in... They make a product to balance your PH and boost your immune system, their vitamins have a natural mint coating to prevent oxidation until they are digested in your stomach. As I just said, the wraps remove toxins from your body. They carry protein shakes (yet another thing my body is lacking) and they are excellent for recovery post workout, like running. The list goes on. Literally every single thing I had been looking into is covered! So here goes my shameless plug, lol! I jumped on board and am proudly offering these products through my business. You can go to my website aliciasebel.myitworks.com and check out the products yourself. Do your own research like I did. Sign up as a loyal customer to save 50% off your orders. And please feel free to email me if you have any questions, there is a link on my site. If you live in my area, you can have a wrap party and get your wrap for free! I have never been so excited to detox, lol!

Life is all about timing. I set the intention to increase my business this month and to also make big changes regarding my health. It just so happens I found a way to do both at the same time!