I just had the most amazing thing happen... I woke up at 9am, when my body felt it was time to get up (and not to the noise of an alarm or to the sound of my children physically abusing each other)! It can only mean one thing... Weekend Getaway!!! That's right... My husband surprised me last night and whisked me off for my early birthday present, and I am serious when I say: sleeping in is the best present a parent of young children could ever receive.
It is the fourth month in my Happiness Project and June's focus is Lighten up: Parenthood. And I couldn't think of a better time to reflect on the way I interact with my kids than when I have a few days away from them, lol!
-Acknowledge the reality of people's feelings.
I took this one right out of The Happiness Project. I have only read one parenting book in my life and it was at a time when I was willing to do ANYTHING to get my then 11 month old son to sleep through the night. He was waking up 4 to 5 times per night, every night, and I was on the verge of crazy. Who am I kidding... I was full on crazy. It's not that I don't think reading books on parenting aren't a really great idea... I really have tried to read a couple others but I just can't seem to get through them. So when Gretchen Rubin talks about this specific parenting strategy that she read (in her opinion, the greatest parenting book ever), I thought, "I could do that"! She sums it up by saying don't deny feelings such as anger, irritation, fear or reluctance; instead, articulate the feeling and the other person's point of view. It really does sound easy, but she goes on to say how it really is a hard habit to break. I think of all the times I do the exact opposite. Like when my daughter whines that she is too tired to walk anymore, her legs hurt (and we have been walking for only a few short minutes) we say, "You are NOT too tired, you silly monkey. Come on, let's keep going". Instead, (and I will admit it sounds like psychiatrist talk) we should say, "You want to stop walking. Your legs hurt and you are tired". She also gives a few simple strategies to show her children that she acknowledges their feelings.
Write it down. "I'm going to write that down. Aidan doesn't like wearing these pants!" And I'm going to have to do it without a sarcastic tone in my voice. Dylan: This means you too!!!
Don't feel as if I need to say anything. Sometimes a cuddle will cure the problem without saying a word.
Wave a magic wand. "If I had a magic wand I would make it stop raining so you wouldn't have to wear a coat to school."
Admit that a task is difficult. Gretchen writes. "Studies show that people tend to persevere longer with problems they've been told are difficult as opposed to easy. I'd been doing the exact opposite with Eleanor (her 7 year old daughter). Thinking I was being encouraging, I'd say 'It's not tough to pull off your socks, just give it a try.' I switched to saying things such as 'Socks can be tough to get off. Sometimes it helps to push down the back part over your ankle, instead of pulling off the toe."
The last one is going to be particularly effective with Aidan, my 6 year old son, who is an absolute perfectionist (I have no idea where he gets that from, lol!). All he wants in life is to be treated like a grown up, which is kind of sad. We have been saying his entire life that he is a little old man trapped in a kid's body. He doesn't want to think that he can't do something especially if it's supposed to be an easy task. But if i tell him it's hard, he won't feel silly if he struggles to complete a task.
-Be a treasure house of happy memories.
Our family is young, but my husband have both realized the importance of traditions. We have carried on some traditions from our own childhood, and have also created new traditions. For example, when Aidan was a baby, I took him to Hallmark before Christmas so he could pick out an ornament. Ok... he was 10 months old, I held him up to the one I wanted him to pick... but every year, I take my kids to Hallmark so they can pick out their ornament. And when we get our tree, They hang them in order from their first Christmas to the most recent. I think I look forward to it more than they do. When I was young, every pay day, my mom would take my sister and I out for Chinese food and then we would go bowling. I forgot how much I loved doing that, so we are going to start family date night with our kids and hopefully, when they are grown, they will have those special memories like I did.
I'm going to leave it at that. Two "simple" resolutions for this month. I've been given some new strategies to deal with the temper tantrums. And going back to one of my original "Commandments" I set for myself at the beginning of my happiness project, Let it go. After all, it won't be long before they are all grown up. Life needs a bit more "silly".
PS. The parenting books that Gretchen refers to are Siblings without Rivalry and How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. :)
Saturday, 2 June 2012
Thursday, 24 May 2012
Bring it on!
In two weeks time I will be celebrating my 29th birthday. Birthdays have always been a big deal for me. It's not only the attention loving Gemini in me that loves a day when I am celebrated (lol!) but it signifies a brand new year, full of new goals. A sort of personal New Years. I can't help but feel that this year is one of great importance. So often the 30th birthday is regarded as the next big milestone, but the 29th is the completion of our 29th year and the beginning of the 30th year of our lives.
I had a thought this morning as I was going for my run. (It seems running has really become my time for meditation). A life has a lot of similarities to a pregnancy. If you look at a life spanning 90 years, it can be divided into 3 sections (or trimesters), each 30 years. The first 30 years of most people's lives are spent jumping hurdles, learning to talk, walk, going to school, figuring out what we want to do for a living, finding our life partner, having kids, etc. The same goes for a pregnancy... The morning sickness, figuring out what foods you can and cannot bear to eat, studying the right side to sleep on, how much caffeine you can safely consume, lol!
As I'm heading out of the first trimester of life, I feel as if all of the things I have learned, and worked hard to achieve can finally be enjoyed. I have a greater sense of who I am than I ever have before. I know what makes me tick, I have an amazing family and group of friends, and I am grateful that I am surrounded by so many amazingly supportive people in my life. I am finally going back to school this fall!!! It is actually happening! There are so many things to be grateful for in my life.
Creating my vision board was the start. I have found so much inspiration that has come in the form of new people in my life, great advice from friends and stumbling across quotes that have given me the drive to say, "What are you waiting for?". It's no coincidence that I've been saying for years that I can't wait for my 30's. Deep down I've always known that this year is going to be the start of so many wonderful things!
As I head into my "2nd trimester", I am feeling renewed, charged up, ready for the new joys life will bring me. Like in a pregnancy, when you finally feel your baby's kicks for the first time, I feel I have so much to look forward to... with my friends and family with my every step of the way. :)
I had a thought this morning as I was going for my run. (It seems running has really become my time for meditation). A life has a lot of similarities to a pregnancy. If you look at a life spanning 90 years, it can be divided into 3 sections (or trimesters), each 30 years. The first 30 years of most people's lives are spent jumping hurdles, learning to talk, walk, going to school, figuring out what we want to do for a living, finding our life partner, having kids, etc. The same goes for a pregnancy... The morning sickness, figuring out what foods you can and cannot bear to eat, studying the right side to sleep on, how much caffeine you can safely consume, lol!
As I'm heading out of the first trimester of life, I feel as if all of the things I have learned, and worked hard to achieve can finally be enjoyed. I have a greater sense of who I am than I ever have before. I know what makes me tick, I have an amazing family and group of friends, and I am grateful that I am surrounded by so many amazingly supportive people in my life. I am finally going back to school this fall!!! It is actually happening! There are so many things to be grateful for in my life.
Creating my vision board was the start. I have found so much inspiration that has come in the form of new people in my life, great advice from friends and stumbling across quotes that have given me the drive to say, "What are you waiting for?". It's no coincidence that I've been saying for years that I can't wait for my 30's. Deep down I've always known that this year is going to be the start of so many wonderful things!
As I head into my "2nd trimester", I am feeling renewed, charged up, ready for the new joys life will bring me. Like in a pregnancy, when you finally feel your baby's kicks for the first time, I feel I have so much to look forward to... with my friends and family with my every step of the way. :)
Friday, 4 May 2012
Call it what you want!
A child calls it a wish, Christians: prayer, Buddhists: meditation. I love when I put a thought out to the universe, however small, and it comes back to me. For example, the dress club I belong to. A few months ago I thought to myself, it would be great to have a reason to get together with my friends once a month. Two days later, without mentioning it, a client told me about the Dress Club she used to belong. I'm not sure why I'm always surprised when this happens because I truly believe in the power of thought. Or when you think about a friend and the phone rings and it's them calling. Maybe it's a coincidence... but maybe its not.
May's focus for my happiness project is Aim Higher:Work. When I was reading this chapter months ago in The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, I remember thinking I didn't particularly want to increase my business. I know that sounds terrible, but I just couldn't think of a way to expand my business in anyway that appealed to me. I didn't want to invest a large amount of money on equipment to offer more services (like spray tanning). I didn't want to take any additional training for esthetics when my passion is elsewhere. That doesn't mean I don't love what I do, but I also don't want to work more hours either when I finally feel after nine years I have a good balance between work, play and family. I just didn't know how it would happen.
If you have been reading my blog from the get-go, you will have read a bit on being mindful. I've been really paying attention to what I'm putting into my body, and reading a ridiculous amount on so many different topics like PH balancing, vitamin absorption, removing toxins in our bodies, etc. Often, when I'm researching products, I read WAY too much and become overwhelmed and then do nothing because I'm am so confused. Typical Gemini. Which is exactly what happened to me this past month. After spending hours reading about PH in our bodies, it left no doubt in my mind that cancer runs rampant in people that are highly acidic. One article I read said, at a PH slightly above 7.4, cancer cells become dormant and at a PH 8.5, cancer cells will die while healthy cells will live. You can control your PH through diet absolutely! Do I have the time to make sure I am always eating an alkaline diet? Almost always the answer is no. I also want to point out that I don't think everyone who is acidic is going to get cancer, but my mom, grandpa and aunt have all had some form of cancer in the past 6 years. Does that mean I will get cancer? Maybe not, but it sure makes me think. There are zillions of products out there to balance PH, but which one is best? What about multi-vitamins? I found one that I really liked but then read that when you open a bottle of vitamins, the capsules that vitamins are encased in doesn't protect the vitamins from oxidation and they become ineffective. One article I read stated, "When exposed to air, vitamin C solution undergoes oxidation and becomes not only ineffective but also potentially harmful (oxidized vitamin C may increase the formation of free radicals)". If I informed you on everything I have read recently regarding cancer and PH and free radicals, etc, etc, you would be bored out of your mind I'm sure. I'm actually boring myself a bit right now repeating it, so let me get to the point. In February, when a close friend of mine started selling detoxifying body wraps I thought, yeah right, if these were so amazing I'm sure I would have heard about them. The idea is that as you put on weight, it is actually your fat cells filling with toxins (which is actually what happens. The purpose of fat cells it to pull toxins away from your organs). Most wraps promise that you will lose inches but it's water weight you lose and it comes right back. These wraps are different. They target specific areas and force the toxins from your fat cells which is how you can see results after only 45 mins. She promised they weren't a gimmick and because I trust her, I gave them a shot. 9 days and 3 wraps later, I had lost the last inch and a half that I could not shed around my stomach (and five weeks later it's still gone)! I needed to know more. It turns out, the company "It Works!" that makes these wraps makes an entire line of homeopathic and wellness products. Again, I started doing my research (I seriously cannot help myself. I am a dork). And here is where the universe comes in... They make a product to balance your PH and boost your immune system, their vitamins have a natural mint coating to prevent oxidation until they are digested in your stomach. As I just said, the wraps remove toxins from your body. They carry protein shakes (yet another thing my body is lacking) and they are excellent for recovery post workout, like running. The list goes on. Literally every single thing I had been looking into is covered! So here goes my shameless plug, lol! I jumped on board and am proudly offering these products through my business. You can go to my website aliciasebel.myitworks.com and check out the products yourself. Do your own research like I did. Sign up as a loyal customer to save 50% off your orders. And please feel free to email me if you have any questions, there is a link on my site. If you live in my area, you can have a wrap party and get your wrap for free! I have never been so excited to detox, lol!
Life is all about timing. I set the intention to increase my business this month and to also make big changes regarding my health. It just so happens I found a way to do both at the same time!
May's focus for my happiness project is Aim Higher:Work. When I was reading this chapter months ago in The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, I remember thinking I didn't particularly want to increase my business. I know that sounds terrible, but I just couldn't think of a way to expand my business in anyway that appealed to me. I didn't want to invest a large amount of money on equipment to offer more services (like spray tanning). I didn't want to take any additional training for esthetics when my passion is elsewhere. That doesn't mean I don't love what I do, but I also don't want to work more hours either when I finally feel after nine years I have a good balance between work, play and family. I just didn't know how it would happen.
If you have been reading my blog from the get-go, you will have read a bit on being mindful. I've been really paying attention to what I'm putting into my body, and reading a ridiculous amount on so many different topics like PH balancing, vitamin absorption, removing toxins in our bodies, etc. Often, when I'm researching products, I read WAY too much and become overwhelmed and then do nothing because I'm am so confused. Typical Gemini. Which is exactly what happened to me this past month. After spending hours reading about PH in our bodies, it left no doubt in my mind that cancer runs rampant in people that are highly acidic. One article I read said, at a PH slightly above 7.4, cancer cells become dormant and at a PH 8.5, cancer cells will die while healthy cells will live. You can control your PH through diet absolutely! Do I have the time to make sure I am always eating an alkaline diet? Almost always the answer is no. I also want to point out that I don't think everyone who is acidic is going to get cancer, but my mom, grandpa and aunt have all had some form of cancer in the past 6 years. Does that mean I will get cancer? Maybe not, but it sure makes me think. There are zillions of products out there to balance PH, but which one is best? What about multi-vitamins? I found one that I really liked but then read that when you open a bottle of vitamins, the capsules that vitamins are encased in doesn't protect the vitamins from oxidation and they become ineffective. One article I read stated, "When exposed to air, vitamin C solution undergoes oxidation and becomes not only ineffective but also potentially harmful (oxidized vitamin C may increase the formation of free radicals)". If I informed you on everything I have read recently regarding cancer and PH and free radicals, etc, etc, you would be bored out of your mind I'm sure. I'm actually boring myself a bit right now repeating it, so let me get to the point. In February, when a close friend of mine started selling detoxifying body wraps I thought, yeah right, if these were so amazing I'm sure I would have heard about them. The idea is that as you put on weight, it is actually your fat cells filling with toxins (which is actually what happens. The purpose of fat cells it to pull toxins away from your organs). Most wraps promise that you will lose inches but it's water weight you lose and it comes right back. These wraps are different. They target specific areas and force the toxins from your fat cells which is how you can see results after only 45 mins. She promised they weren't a gimmick and because I trust her, I gave them a shot. 9 days and 3 wraps later, I had lost the last inch and a half that I could not shed around my stomach (and five weeks later it's still gone)! I needed to know more. It turns out, the company "It Works!" that makes these wraps makes an entire line of homeopathic and wellness products. Again, I started doing my research (I seriously cannot help myself. I am a dork). And here is where the universe comes in... They make a product to balance your PH and boost your immune system, their vitamins have a natural mint coating to prevent oxidation until they are digested in your stomach. As I just said, the wraps remove toxins from your body. They carry protein shakes (yet another thing my body is lacking) and they are excellent for recovery post workout, like running. The list goes on. Literally every single thing I had been looking into is covered! So here goes my shameless plug, lol! I jumped on board and am proudly offering these products through my business. You can go to my website aliciasebel.myitworks.com and check out the products yourself. Do your own research like I did. Sign up as a loyal customer to save 50% off your orders. And please feel free to email me if you have any questions, there is a link on my site. If you live in my area, you can have a wrap party and get your wrap for free! I have never been so excited to detox, lol!
Life is all about timing. I set the intention to increase my business this month and to also make big changes regarding my health. It just so happens I found a way to do both at the same time!
Monday, 30 April 2012
My co-worker.
I can't believe it's been over 2 weeks since I've posted last. My life feels as if it's been in fast forward and just now I've had the chance to hit play. At the beginning of April, I thought, what a bad month to be focusing on Marriage. My husband had just been notified he would be out of the country for 10 days and I had also planned my yearly holistic weekend getaway with my mom. How can you focus on your marriage when half the month will be spent apart?
It turns out that the old saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is actually true. And not just because I was single mom-ing it for a week, but because it really gives you a chance to step back and reflect on your behavior, your action or non-action. If that makes any sense at all... What I mean is I really had a chance to see what my husband does for the family on a daily basis and what I am able to accomplish because of everything he does. It may not seem like a big deal, but everyday when he takes the kids to school, it gives me the opportunity to go for a run without waking at the crack of dawn. I could go on, but mostly we have found the time to reconnect in small ways. I sucked ass at giving proofs of love, I definitely nagged but I didn't dump my problems on him that he couldn't solve, I didn't expect praise or appreciation and I tried my hardest to fight right.
Every year, my mom has headed off to Naramata, BC for the Spring Festival of Awareness. For some, it may be overwhelmingly "granola" or "hippyish" but it's an amazingly restful and spiritual weekend. It's a chance to reconnect with yourself and this year was more than I could have ever imagined for. My mother and I, along with two friends of mine, headed off for a weekend of bliss. I gained some serious insight into my life, what is truly important, shed some "baggage" and came home a new person. Without spending a moment with my husband, I felt more centered to tackle life... together.
It's been an emotional week for the both of us, each for different reasons. Tonight as we ate dinner, Dylan told me about the little girl he met in India this past week who was being ignored as she was trying to get the attention of some people outside of a restaurant. They thought she was trying to sell something but she kept pointing at the water bottle that belonged to a man standing next to my husband. It's not that they were bad people, it's just that they are so used to it they don't even see it anymore. The thought of any child wandering the streets, no parents, and begging for water is more than I can bear. (For the record, they did give her their water to drink). Thinking of that really puts life into perspective. For all the things I complain about, nothing can compare to the suffering that little girl endures on a daily basis. This weekend, one of the presenters in a workshop I attended said, "It's not that I expect I can stop all the children in Africa from starving, I just want to live in a world that gives a shit that there are children starving in Africa". The small mundane things that we bicker about (in marriage and in life) just don't feel important enough to waste energy on anymore.
All in all, I feel this month may not have been as "successful" as the past months, but it felt more real, more honest. I went deeper into it than I originally thought I would, and am so grateful for what has come out of it. Whoever said marriage is a full time job, really hit the nail on the head. I'm pretty lucky to have my hubby as my co-worker. :)
It turns out that the old saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is actually true. And not just because I was single mom-ing it for a week, but because it really gives you a chance to step back and reflect on your behavior, your action or non-action. If that makes any sense at all... What I mean is I really had a chance to see what my husband does for the family on a daily basis and what I am able to accomplish because of everything he does. It may not seem like a big deal, but everyday when he takes the kids to school, it gives me the opportunity to go for a run without waking at the crack of dawn. I could go on, but mostly we have found the time to reconnect in small ways. I sucked ass at giving proofs of love, I definitely nagged but I didn't dump my problems on him that he couldn't solve, I didn't expect praise or appreciation and I tried my hardest to fight right.
Every year, my mom has headed off to Naramata, BC for the Spring Festival of Awareness. For some, it may be overwhelmingly "granola" or "hippyish" but it's an amazingly restful and spiritual weekend. It's a chance to reconnect with yourself and this year was more than I could have ever imagined for. My mother and I, along with two friends of mine, headed off for a weekend of bliss. I gained some serious insight into my life, what is truly important, shed some "baggage" and came home a new person. Without spending a moment with my husband, I felt more centered to tackle life... together.
It's been an emotional week for the both of us, each for different reasons. Tonight as we ate dinner, Dylan told me about the little girl he met in India this past week who was being ignored as she was trying to get the attention of some people outside of a restaurant. They thought she was trying to sell something but she kept pointing at the water bottle that belonged to a man standing next to my husband. It's not that they were bad people, it's just that they are so used to it they don't even see it anymore. The thought of any child wandering the streets, no parents, and begging for water is more than I can bear. (For the record, they did give her their water to drink). Thinking of that really puts life into perspective. For all the things I complain about, nothing can compare to the suffering that little girl endures on a daily basis. This weekend, one of the presenters in a workshop I attended said, "It's not that I expect I can stop all the children in Africa from starving, I just want to live in a world that gives a shit that there are children starving in Africa". The small mundane things that we bicker about (in marriage and in life) just don't feel important enough to waste energy on anymore.
All in all, I feel this month may not have been as "successful" as the past months, but it felt more real, more honest. I went deeper into it than I originally thought I would, and am so grateful for what has come out of it. Whoever said marriage is a full time job, really hit the nail on the head. I'm pretty lucky to have my hubby as my co-worker. :)
Sunday, 15 April 2012
Sun Run... Woot woot!!!
I knew yesterday that as much as I did not want to participate in the Vancouver Sun Run, that I would be really glad I did, once it was over. I don't like pressure. I wasn't worried about actually running 10km, I was worried that I wouldn't find the start line, or miss the bus back to my brother and sister-in-law's place afterwards to shower (talk about 3rd world problems). And, I'm just not all that competitive. So all in all, I just wasn't feeling it. But, this blog was created to keep me accountable... And I promise you, if I had not blogged about doing the Sun Run, I would have absolutely bailed on it today.
Just over two months ago, I started running regularly as part of my happiness project. My first run was a mere 4km and let me tell you, it felt a lot longer than that at the time. Now, 10km is not easy by any means, but in January I would have bet money that I wouldn't be able to run that distance in under an hour . So today I am so happy that I completed my first official 10km run in 57 minutes and 57.4 seconds. 47 000 other people joined me and I spent the majority of my time dodging runners. It was soooooo crowded (It took 59 mins just to cross the START line!!!!). Considering all that, I'm ecstatic about my time. I'll take it! After all the worrying and complaining, I am glad I did it... I'm feeling pretty proud of myself. :)
Just over two months ago, I started running regularly as part of my happiness project. My first run was a mere 4km and let me tell you, it felt a lot longer than that at the time. Now, 10km is not easy by any means, but in January I would have bet money that I wouldn't be able to run that distance in under an hour . So today I am so happy that I completed my first official 10km run in 57 minutes and 57.4 seconds. 47 000 other people joined me and I spent the majority of my time dodging runners. It was soooooo crowded (It took 59 mins just to cross the START line!!!!). Considering all that, I'm ecstatic about my time. I'll take it! After all the worrying and complaining, I am glad I did it... I'm feeling pretty proud of myself. :)
 | ||
| Taken from my iPhone 20 mins before the start. |
Sunday, 8 April 2012
Nagging. Or as I call it, Persuading!
When I started my blog, I promised myself I would "Be Alicia". I needed to be honest about my experiences so at the end of my project I could look back and reflect on my achievements and on my failures as well. Having said that... I've decided that if you are tackling something big, the timing is SO important. Like this past week. Extreme Nice. One week of no nagging, giving proofs of love, etc. Right. Not such a good idea when you are having a PMS week from hell. I usually breeze through it with relatively little irritability, but I was out of control this month. For the record, I bit my tongue a lot this past week, but still the nagging was out of control. I literally could not stop myself. I'm sure any guy reading this will think I'm full of BS, but it is like someone takes over, a sort of demonic possession, lol! And I know my husband is thinking that he doesn't recall any moments where I had any restraint, but I swear I did. I wasn't totally evil. I'm seriously tempted to keep a record of all the annoying things he does this week and how I didn't say a word. I'm JOKING!!! Well maybe only half joking. Would that defeat my purpose? Maybe I'll just keep it for my record and if I ever needed proof... So, I'm exorcising myself today (Is there an app for that?) and restarting my week of Extreme Nice. Right. Now. We went for a run together last weekend and had an awesome time... So today, we are going again. We have decided to make it a regular date and are doing something good for our health too. And we started a TV series together that we both really enjoy (it's a miracle!). So even with the downfalls, the week wasn't a total failure. :)
PS. I searched apps for nagging just for curiosity.... You can rate your nagging, rate others' nagging and the best one I found... HusbandMotivator! Answer 4 short questions about your husband and you get a custom script of phrases that will motivate your man, lmfao! They call nagging... persuading! It sounds so much nicer, lol!
PPS. There’s an old joke about a president walking with his wife, who sees one of her old boyfriends in a less-than-glorious occupation. The president looks at the old boyfriend and remarks, “If you hadn’t married me, you might be married to that guy.”
The first lady answers calmly, “If I had married him, he’d be president.”
Dylan will be singing Bette Midler's "You are the wind beneath my wings" by the end of the week! How's that for a visual?!?
PS. I searched apps for nagging just for curiosity.... You can rate your nagging, rate others' nagging and the best one I found... HusbandMotivator! Answer 4 short questions about your husband and you get a custom script of phrases that will motivate your man, lmfao! They call nagging... persuading! It sounds so much nicer, lol!
PPS. There’s an old joke about a president walking with his wife, who sees one of her old boyfriends in a less-than-glorious occupation. The president looks at the old boyfriend and remarks, “If you hadn’t married me, you might be married to that guy.”
The first lady answers calmly, “If I had married him, he’d be president.”
Dylan will be singing Bette Midler's "You are the wind beneath my wings" by the end of the week! How's that for a visual?!?
Sunday, 1 April 2012
Remember Love
March is officially over and a new month brings new resolutions. Overall, March was generally fun. I will admit, spending a rare sunny day in my basement hauling out items for trash or donation, wasn't fun at the time. But not dodging random Rubbermaid containers filled with anonymous camping gear on my way to the treadmill is extremely satisfying. I anticipate April will be more challenging... Marriage.
APRIL
Remember Love
Marriage
Resolutions:
Quit Nagging.
Don't expect Praise or Appreciation.
Fight Right.
No dumping.
Give Proofs of Love.
As I reread Gretchen Rubin's chapter on Marriage in her book "The Happiness Project" this morning, I felt renewed. Making a "project" out of my marriage seems bizarre to me and I admit, a bit of a daunting task. A marriage takes two people, and as the Happiness Project is about changing myself, not my husband, it seems unfair that I need to be the only one to change. I just didn't want to do the work. She writes, "My marriage was the foundation for all the other important choices in my life: where I lived, having kids, my friends, my work, my leisure. The atmosphere for my marriage set the weather for my whole life". Okay... I get it. It's amazing how the most important relationship in your life is often the one that suffers the most neglect. I know from talking to other women (it's what I do for a living) that I am not the only one. Your partner is supposed to love you for better or worse, but that doesn't give anyone the excuse to behave badly. And for those of you with small kids, it's even harder to make time for each other. For my month's challenges, I've decided to tackle the exact resolutions that Gretchen did. They won't be easy by any means, especially (if you have read my earlier posts) I have issues with things always being "fair". Sometimes drastic change is helpful to kick a bad habit. I have friends who swear by cleanses to kick start a diet, and many people go "cold turkey" when quitting smoking. With this idea in mind, I'm going cold turkey for a week, which happens to be the amount of time it takes to kick a habit. As Gretchen called it, a Week of Extreme Nice that "stretched me beyond my ordinary efforts, that showed me new depths within myself". I'm heading to the library this week as well to pick up some material on bettering your marriage. I think every relationship, no matter how great it is, can always use some improvement. Dylan and I are coming up on our 7 year wedding anniversary (where did the time go?) and although Dylan has some amazing qualities (he's an incredible dad, works hard, does ALL the cooking, cleans, etc) the bad qualities are the ones that I often focus on. My hope for this month, is that my good behavior will trigger him to give me the things that I need from our marriage. Because as I've discovered... nagging him to be more dependable, supportive, etc just doesn't work! I remember watching Seal and Heidi Klum on Oprah (I know they just split up, but the advice is still great) as he offered up some advice on marriage. He said that if you treat your spouse the way you treat your best friend, your marriage will flourish. It's okay to have disagreements, but name calling, swearing and overreacting are unacceptable behaviors. So here goes... month two. A new set of tasks while still maintaining my resolutions from last month. Wish me luck!
APRIL
Remember Love
Marriage
Resolutions:
Quit Nagging.
Don't expect Praise or Appreciation.
Fight Right.
No dumping.
Give Proofs of Love.
As I reread Gretchen Rubin's chapter on Marriage in her book "The Happiness Project" this morning, I felt renewed. Making a "project" out of my marriage seems bizarre to me and I admit, a bit of a daunting task. A marriage takes two people, and as the Happiness Project is about changing myself, not my husband, it seems unfair that I need to be the only one to change. I just didn't want to do the work. She writes, "My marriage was the foundation for all the other important choices in my life: where I lived, having kids, my friends, my work, my leisure. The atmosphere for my marriage set the weather for my whole life". Okay... I get it. It's amazing how the most important relationship in your life is often the one that suffers the most neglect. I know from talking to other women (it's what I do for a living) that I am not the only one. Your partner is supposed to love you for better or worse, but that doesn't give anyone the excuse to behave badly. And for those of you with small kids, it's even harder to make time for each other. For my month's challenges, I've decided to tackle the exact resolutions that Gretchen did. They won't be easy by any means, especially (if you have read my earlier posts) I have issues with things always being "fair". Sometimes drastic change is helpful to kick a bad habit. I have friends who swear by cleanses to kick start a diet, and many people go "cold turkey" when quitting smoking. With this idea in mind, I'm going cold turkey for a week, which happens to be the amount of time it takes to kick a habit. As Gretchen called it, a Week of Extreme Nice that "stretched me beyond my ordinary efforts, that showed me new depths within myself". I'm heading to the library this week as well to pick up some material on bettering your marriage. I think every relationship, no matter how great it is, can always use some improvement. Dylan and I are coming up on our 7 year wedding anniversary (where did the time go?) and although Dylan has some amazing qualities (he's an incredible dad, works hard, does ALL the cooking, cleans, etc) the bad qualities are the ones that I often focus on. My hope for this month, is that my good behavior will trigger him to give me the things that I need from our marriage. Because as I've discovered... nagging him to be more dependable, supportive, etc just doesn't work! I remember watching Seal and Heidi Klum on Oprah (I know they just split up, but the advice is still great) as he offered up some advice on marriage. He said that if you treat your spouse the way you treat your best friend, your marriage will flourish. It's okay to have disagreements, but name calling, swearing and overreacting are unacceptable behaviors. So here goes... month two. A new set of tasks while still maintaining my resolutions from last month. Wish me luck!
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