Insist upon it.

My year of resolutions.... a recap.

It has been 11 months since I began my Happiness Project. Almost an entire year has passed in the blink of an eye. Some resolutions have stuck, others were a challenge that I will continue to overcome. I have one last shot for the month of February where I will attempt to be "Bootcamp perfect". 

To jog my memory, I went back to the beginning of my blog and read about my adventures over the past year... it really put things into perspective. It may not be evident to others, but comparing my life now, I feel I have grown enormously. 

MARCH
Boost Energy (Vitality)

• Go to sleep earlier.
• Exercise regularly.
• Toss, restore, organise.
• Tackle a nagging task.
• Drink more water, remember my vitamins.

APRIL
Remember Love (Marriage)

• Quit Nagging.
• Don't expect Praise or Appreciation.
• Fight Right.
• No dumping.
• Give Proofs of Love.

MAY
Aim Higher (Work)

• Find a balance

JUNE
Lighten up (Parenthood)

• Acknowledge the reality of people's feelings. 
• Write it down.
• Don't feel as if I need to say anything.
• Wave a magic wand.
• Admit that a task is difficult.

JULY
Be serious about play (Leisure)

• Be a treasure house of happy memories. 
• Find More Fun.
• Take Time to be Silly.
• Start A Collection.
• Go off the Path.

AUGUST
Make time for friends (Friendship)

• Remember birthdays. 
• Be Generous. 
• Show up. 
• Don't gossip. 
• Make three new friends

SEPTEMBER
Buy some Happiness (Money) 

• Indulge in a modest splurge. 
• Buy needful things. 
• Spend out. 
• Give something up.

OCTOBER
Contemplate the Heavens (Eternity)

• Use "wasted" time to meditate on gratitude
• choose to have a good day 
• forgive 
• If I don't have anything nice to say, say nothing
• smile more, and inspire others to do the same

NOVEMBER
Pursue a Passion (Design)

• Photograph/Appreciate Nature
• Read "fluffy" novels
• Go to a concert
• Meditate/Run (Same thing for me)
• Eat great, healthy food
• Design a space
• Read architecture magazines
• Snuggle with my cat
• Watch a TV series with my husband
• Go to the beach with my family
• Have coffee with a good friend
• Blog/Journal

DECEMBER
Pay Attention (Mindfulness)

• Examine true rules
• Stimulate the mind in new ways
• keep a food diary

JANUARY 
Keep a Contented Heart (Attitude)

• laugh out loud
• use good manners
• give positive reviews
• find an area of refuge

FEBRUARY
Boot Camp Perfect (Happiness)


With my checklist in hand, I am ready for what this next month will bring. It may not be easy, but the greatest lessons in life are learned when we are being challenged. I'm ready to kick some happiness ass! ;)

LIVE LIFE BOLD

According to Wikipedia, New Year's Resolutions go back as far as the ancient Babylonians who made promises to their gods to return borrowed goods and repay debts. The Romans began each year making promises to their God Janus for whom the month of January is named. Each year, as the new year comes to pass, I struggle to decide the one thing I want to improve on the most this year.

Last year, I was unaware that I was about to begin a major shift in my life. I had recently read the Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and my wheels were turning. Why not start an entire Happiness Project myself instead of the usual one or two resolutions? It was a daunting thought and I was unsure if I had the drive to complete it. As I've said before, I'm a Gemini through and through... which means I'm excellent at completing projects to about 80 or 90%. So in February, when the host of our Dress Club suggested the idea of completing Vision Boards for out monthly get together, I knew immediately what I was going to put on mine. My vision board was going to be shaped like a Lotus flower which represents growth. Each petal would represent an area of focus in my life... and one of these petals would be my Happiness Project.

March marked the beginning of my happiness project and this blog. I have blogged about my monthly goals as a way to keep me accountable. But this blog has done more than that. It is my monthly checkup, a way to organize my thoughts and to judge my own progress. Starting out I didn't know that my blog would inspire others. I also didn't know that the kind words from the people who read this blog have inspired me... to be a better writer, to be more honest with myself and to be true to who I am.

Every April I head up to Naramata in the Okanagan for The Spring Festival of Awareness with my mom. It is a spiritual weekend full of workshops covering topics from yoga to animal communication to quantum physics. It may sound bizarre, but every year I leave feeling renewed, refreshed... almost like having a new perspective on life. And every year, I plan my weekend from start to finish. I'm going to this workshop first, then for a massage, then here, then I'm going to have a nap, then I'm going there... This past year, the week before I headed up was a very emotional week for me and I felt like my life had been turned upside down. I needed this weekend to clear my thoughts. I didn't have the energy to plan a thing and left it up to the universe to guide me to what I needed to hear and learn. One of my life lessons I have learned is that the most amazing things in life happen when you let go of expectation. Every workshop I attended over the next two days left me with one very clear message: Love myself. It may sound very general, but I can't begin to tell you how profound this was for me. I think of myself as a very positive person. I don't beat myself up a lot and don't worry about the small stuff. So hearing that I needed to love myself was a bit surprising... But, I had been putting myself on the back burner, waiting for life to sort itself out so I could start living. I was carrying a lot of guilt with me and decided I would needed to let it go. I came home from that weekend away and made a decision that would set the stage for my new life. I wasn't waiting for life to happen to me anymore. I was going to love myself by making things happen... by saying its ok to pursue my dreams... by letting go of unhealthy friendships, strengthening healthy friendships... by forgiving others, forgiving myself... and by just saying the words.

The summer was a great one. I soaked up the sun. Drank mojitos. Attended an information session on Interior Design. Should I do it? I enrolled in my first class of the Interior Design program at BCIT that was to start in the Fall and counted down the hours until class started. It was a huge milestone and I am still in disbelief that I did it... that I'm doing it. I have actually just started my second semester and am now going to school full-time which makes me smile just typing those words. :) And the bonus is that I am teaching my kids that education is important, and it's never to late to make your dreams come true.

2013 is lined up to be a fairly monumental year for me. My life is undergoing a major transition from working mom to working mom who also goes to school full time. I am also turning 30! It feels like yesterday I started this blog, and the Happiness Project... It felt like I had a long time to complete all the things on my "30 year bucket list", but not surprisingly, my birthday deadline is fast approaching. Almost 5 months to the day to conquer the remaining goals I have set out for myself.

My Happiness Project is rapidly coming to an end as well. This month is the second to last and my resolution is to "Keep a contented heart: Attitude". I am going to laugh out loud, use good manners, give positive reviews and find an area of refuge. My newly completed office space was intended for homework, but I find myself coming in to read a book or just to surf online. It's cozy and girly and is all mine! Perfect refuge. Next month is the final month for the Happiness Project and I will try my best to be "Bootcamp perfect". My only regret during this entire project is not keeping track of my goals on a daily basis. It's so easy to forget the tasks for the month. So for my final month, I am going to make the chart that I have been saying for the past year I would make so I can check off my accomplishments daily. After it is all said and done, I'm going to keep up with my blog... it helps keep me sane, and in a way, is a resolution all in itself.

Having said all that... New Years would not be New Years without a health oriented resolution. Getting physically fit is listed as one of the top resolutions for New Years along with quitting smoking and getting out of debt. New Years is a reminder for most of us that we need to jump back on the health bandwagon. Nothing like overindulging on sweets and wine through the holidays to add some fluff to the waistline and make you crave vegetables that have been seriously lacking from your diet. My challenge this year is find the time in my insane life to run. After all, I'm not going to be able to run a half-marathon if my training involves sitting on my butt and eating cheese and crackers. And I'm certainly not going to get any less busy. I've come to the sad realization that I am going to have to start getting up and hour earlier to run in the mornings. I love my sleep and it pains me to leave my warm cozy bed in the am. Our now three month old Doberman puppies are two bundles of energy and are going to need to be walked daily... pretty great motivation to get back at it!

So instead of struggling to come up with one or two resolutions this year like I have done in the past, I have done the exact opposite and come up with more resolutions than I can count. Pasted on my Vision Board is a quote that says LIVE LIFE BOLD. Bold is defined as: necessitating courage and daring. And that is exactly what I intend to do. Happy New Year!

Rum and Eggnog

We are getting our Christmas tree today! I've always loved Christmas... It's the only holiday I decorate for and love everything about it. The smell of the tree... The lights giving off a soft glow in the living room at night... Everything just feels so cozy with all the decorations out. Let's not forget the rum and egg nog!

A week after Dylan proposed (8 years ago!), I was so excited to get our first Christmas tree together. We didn't have any money to decorate it, so Dylan said we should just wait till the following year to to get one. He could see the disappointment on my face... A few days later when I returned home from work, in our living room stood the most beautiful 10 foot tree. Although it was naked, it was the most beautiful Christmas tree I had ever had. The following Christmas I was pregnant with Aidan and we were staying with his parents while building our new house. Even though there was a foot of snow out,  and we didn't have our own living room to put a tree in, we made our way out with my in-laws to help them pick the perfect tree; and so the tradition began. It's important to me that this day is perfect. And if you have children, you will understand that it is damn near impossible to have the perfect tree getting experience. Throw in Dylan (who always thinks our ceiling is higher than it is), myself who requests a tree that has stiff branches that are spaced enough to hang ornaments, but not so spaced that it looks like a Charlie Brown tree, and two kids that will inevitably complain that they are too cold, or they have to pee, or they are hungry, etc.

Two years ago was the worst tree getting experience in our history. Money was tight and so when I heard about this tree farm not too far from our home that offered pony rides, hot chocolate for the kids and all trees were $20, I had a small hope that we could still get the perfect tree! Compared to the $100+ we were used to spending, I was ecstatic! This was going to be the most magical day yet! In my excitement, I rushed the kids into the car. It didn't matter that I had no address for this "blissful" tree farm, I knew we would find it! We drove around for awhile in the area where I had been told this tree farm existed with no luck. My hopes of having the "perfect" day were rapidly coming to an end. We settled on the next tree farm we found... and as we unpacked the kids, I realized I had forgotten their winter coats, gloves and hats. No worries! We were going to find the perfect tree in minutes! As the wind whipped our faces, and the kids began to whine that they were freezing, Dylan and I started to argue. It was my fault for forgetting the kids clothing! Why didn't I have an address for this tree farm! The tree doesn't have to be perfect! The day was ruined... and as we loaded our $20, lop-sided Douglas fir tree with droopy branches on top of the van, all I could think was, "I am going to salvage this day. I am going to have a glass of wine and decorate this tree and make it beautiful. I am going to put on Mariah Carey's Christmas album (even though it kills Dylan to listen to it) because, dammit, it is going to be a good day"! We got the tree home, set up and as I was getting the ornaments out, without asking, Dylan brought me a glass of wine. "I think you need this", he said with a cheeky smile. I slowly began decorating the tree and it was starting to look decent. I was so wrapped up in the moment that I had totally forgot about the glass of wine. Where had I put it? "Dylan? Do you know where I put my glass of wine"? His face turned red. "Don't even tell me you drank it", I said in my serial killer voice. We literally had a dollar in the bank, and the bottle of wine had been a gift to me from his parents, and I had saved a glass for today. He doesn't even drink white wine! His silence said it all. It was the final straw. "NEXT YEAR HAD BETTER BE THE MOST !#@@$#^%^ING MAGICAL TREE GETTING EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE OR I'M GOING TO DO IT.... I WILL GET A FAKE TREE", I screamed! Looking back now it is hysterical, but in that moment I wanted to start searching the classifieds for rentals where I was going to move when I packed up my belongings and left, lol!

Last year really was the most magical tree-getting experience of my life. It made up for the previous year 10x over. My sister-in-law had gone to a tree farm the year before and she promised it would not disappoint. As we walked through the entrance, we were greeted by a "helper" who handed us a saw, explained where we would find the tree that met my criteria. Carols were piped through speakers in the fields that added to the Christmas cheer. Afterwards, we were treated to live carollers and even Santa himself was there for the children to have their pictures taken with (with our own cameras at no extra cost). As we sat around the fire they had burning with hot chocolate in hand, I could not have been any happier.

As we set out today, on what I hope will be another "perfect" day, I'm reminded of my goal for this month's Happiness Project... Stay in the moment... enjoy the day for what it is. Whether it's perfect or not is not important. This day will be perfect, regardless. I am spending the day with my family, and coming home to a warm house. Mariah Carey is on stand-by, and of course the all important glass of wine! Today will be perfect in it's imperfection. :)

Just another minute...

It's the most wonderful time of the year because it's starting to feel like Christmas! While grabbing a coffee on my break at school today, I heard my first carol of the year playing and I couldn't help getting that feeling. You know, the one that makes you want to bust out the decorations and start baking? My neighbours have started turning on their Christmas lights which means my husband will begin to be harassed to put ours up starting tomorrow. ;)

Next month's goal in my "Happiness Project" is to be more mindful, to stay in the moment. What a perfect time of year to hone these skills. Nothing like major family commitments, an overloaded work and homework schedule and honouring family traditions to distract you from the task at hand. But as I delve into all the festivities December is sure to bring, I am committing to stay in the moment. And to also pay attention to the quiet moments that may have otherwise passed me by.

Tonight after bath and reading time for the kiddies, I tucked Aidan in, tucked Natalie in as per our routine and was about to head downstairs when I heard Aidan call me back into his room. His needed me to lay his pillow flat. "Bud, your pillow was laying flat when I tucked you in a minute ago", I reminded him. He relied, "I know Mom, I just wanted to spend another minute with you". For all the grief my 6 year old (going on 60 year old) son gives me, he occasionally says little things like that that melt my heart. I laid his pillow down and was about to leave when a little voice in my head reminded me to stay in the moment. I asked him how his day was (I had left for school just as he was getting up this am and didn't arrive back home till the late afternoon) and as we chatted, he played with my hair. It was about two minutes we spent chatting and I couldn't help think that one day I will most likely never have moments like that with him... and that I really needed to cherish him.

So whether it is a small moment like the one I had tonight, or an annual event like packing up to find the perfect Christmas tree, I am committed to "be mindful" of my attitude and to stay in the moment.

Two weeks ago, our family adopted two new babies... Fur babies to be exact! I know what your are thinking... Who in their right mind would adopt two puppies at the same time? It has been very busy, but our new additions are very sweet and they happen to be the cutest little things you have ever seen! (I may be slightly biased, but they are seriously adorable). Which happens to be a very good thing, because if they weren't, I would have lost my mind by now with all of the pee and poo I have cleaned up! But having two is easier in some ways. For example, they don't cry at night... not even once because they have each other to snuggle with. I have found myself comparing the experience of new puppies to the first few weeks I had my own babies. Yes, both involve a ton of pee and poo... And I just can't believe how fast they are growing up! And that they have such little personalities, right from the get go, just like my own children did. Jax is my snuggly boy. He will let his sister beat him up for awhile, but when she crosses the line, he lets her know. He gets very upset if you scold him for peeing on the floor and wants to come snuggle you immediately to say sorry. Jules on the other hand is full of energy and always wants to play. She is eager to please and bosses her brother around even though he has a major size advantage. Both are very sweet though in completely different ways and most importantly, the kids just adore them. Even Toby my cat (who sometimes thinks he is a dog) is coming around to the puppies and I'm sure in time he will let them know who the real boss is, lol! Yes, the puppies are a huge addition of work on top of our already busy schedules, but I love seeing the smiles on Aidan and Natalie's faces when they are with them and that is definitely something I will always cherish.

So here's to staying in the moment... Enjoying every little bit of my life (the good and not so good) and to making the most of it!

Thumpy, little elephant

The least strained and most natural ways of the soul are the most beautiful; the best occupations are the least forced. - Michel de Montaigne

November's Happiness Project is to "Pursue a Passion". A few years ago while attending a seminar on pursuing your dreams, the speaker (Tama Kieves) asked us to write down the things that we would do today if social judgements and money were not an issue. For this month's Happiness Project goal, I thought it would be helpful to do this exercise again. So here's mine:

Photograph/Appreciate Nature

Read "fluffy" novels

Go to a concert

Meditate/Run (Same thing for me)

Eat great, healthy food

Design a space

Read architecture magazines

Snuggle with my cat

Watch documentaries on history and conspiracy theories

Watch a TV series with my husband

Go to the beach with my family

Have coffee with a good friend

Blog/Journal


Now, I wouldn't necessarily call these things "passions", but are all things that make me smile. If you have read any of my past posts you will know that my true passion lies in interior design. For whatever reason, it always has been and I don't see myself losing that passion anytime soon. After years of putting it off, I finally went back to school for interior design and words cannot express the happiness that pursuing a passion has brought to me. Seriously. The little things that previously bothered me don't matter as much. I've made some new friends that I can blabber to about the Eames chair I would love to have and they know what I'm talking about, lol! Next term I have registered for 12 credits (that's 5 courses!) and while I am pooping my pants just thinking about it, I know that it is going to be 5x what I'm feeling now. I'm working towards a goal and as the author of The Happiness Project says, "being happier requires you to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth. In other words, to be happier, I need to boost my good feelings, put a stop to my bad feelings, and pursue my right feelings." This is exactly one of the things I love most about interior design; the transformation/creation of something beautiful. It's the growth of a space from ugly to beautiful, or from nothing to amazing. 

While the homework will be overwhelming at times, I know that happiness lies in balance... hence the name of this blog "Balancing Act". Making time for my kids, my husband and my friends, as well as running/meditating and eating right are all equally important. Mind, Body and Soul. The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin is full of tidbits of research and I found this to be particularly interesting... "Studies show that people think that they will be slightly happier in the future than they are in the present. And research shows that a sense of purpose is very important to happiness. And why do happiness researchers report that children don’t make people happier, and yet parents insist that their children are a major source of joy?"

I'm often told that people can't believe I'm so honest about my feelings on children/parenting. One of the things I have found most gratifying about being honest is that people have said to me, "I've never met anyone who has admitted they don't play with their kids. I've always felt so guilty that I don't enjoy playing with my own children." I'm not saying that I don't like my kids, but I refuse to feel bad that I don't play Barbies/cars with them. And do you know what has happened to my kids? They are independent, confident little beings that don't need me to hold their hand all the time. They have learned to problem solve on their own and quite often, they are the ones teaching me things (in their own little way). What I enjoy most about watching my children grow up is seeing them grow. Matching my daughter grow from a thumpy, little elephant to a graceful dancer... My son grow from a Bambi-legged skater to a very determined and skilled hockey player. They are pursuing their own passions, and if the day comes they don't want to dance or play hockey, I will enjoy watching them pursue a different passion. Often happiness doesn't lie in your own self; it lies in the happiness of the ones you care the most about.

With Christmas just around the corner, I've been thinking a lot about the things that make other people happy. What are the passions of each of my family members? How can I give meaningful gifts this Christmas and teach my kids what the meaning of Christmas is for our family. For Christians it is the celebration of Jesus' birth; for me it is the celebration of love for friends and family and a time to be together and to be generous to the fellow person. This month, while pursuing my own passions, I hope I will inspire others to pursue their own... with maybe a little gift to go with it. ;)

Her Legacy

As I contemplate the heavens, I have found myself thinking a lot about death. After all, death comes immediately before the heavens... does it not? What will my legacy be? What do I want people to say about me when I'm gone? More importantly, what do I want to teach my children before I leave this planet? Thinking about all of these things can't but help me feel grateful for the life I have been given, or if you prefer...chosen. I live in a place and time in this world where I, as a woman, have the right to choose what religion I want to follow (or not), who I marry if I decide to marry at all, how many children I want to have if any. I also get to choose what kind of person I want to be. A lawyer or doctor were out of the question for women less than 100 years ago, but the sky is the limit now. This post is not meant to be a women's rights rant, merely a way of expressing gratitude for things I often take for granted.

My parents are very different from one another and the lessons they have individually instilled in me have blended to create what drives me. What do my beliefs, lessons and actions say to my children? Are these the things I want them to remember me by?

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my husband's Nana's death. This morning I visited her grave for the first time since her burial and as I stood there, I was overcome by sadness. She was an amazing woman, mother, friend and wife, which only makes the pain of her death so much greater for the people she was closest too. Her legacy to her family is one of grace, dignity, respect and love. My husband and I met after my husband's Papa had passed away, but when Nana spoke of her husband, you could feel the love and respect she still had for him. It practically broke my heart every time she spoke of him, which she did often. The one thing that eased my husband's grief when she passed was that it was her belief that she was going to be reunited with him. What a beautiful gift she left for her family and friends.

I can only hope that the memories I leave for my children are as great as the ones she left for hers. The saying, "Live every day like it's your last" has been running through my head. If today was my last day on earth, would I have any regrets? I want my days to be filled with light, and to choose to never have a bad day, to forgive the people that have hurt me, even if I never say the words to them. If I don't have anything nice to say, I want to not say anything at all. I want to smile more, and inspire others to do the same... Or simply: Live. Laugh. Love.

We miss you Nana.

Contemplating the Heavens

What is spirituality? Wikipedia defines it as: The concept of an ultimate or an alleged immaterial reality;^[1] an inner path enabling a person to discover the essence of his/her being; or the "deepest values and meanings by which people live."^[2] Spiritual practices, including meditation, prayer and contemplation, are intended to develop an individual's inner life. Spiritual experiences can include being connected to a larger reality, yielding a more comprehensive self; joining with other individuals or the human community; with nature or the cosmos; or with the divine realm.^[3] Spirituality is often experienced as a source of inspiration or orientation in life.^[4] It can encompass belief in immaterial realities or experiences of the immanent or transcendent nature of the world.

But what does spirituality mean to me? Even though I am not religious, I consider myself to be a spiritual person... I believe in an energy/higher power that connects us all to each other and nature. Most mainstream religions believe in some variation of this concept. Science has actually proven that our energy extends beyond our physical bodies, whether we are plant or animal. Even atoms of metal and wood have the same energy frequency of human beings. Does practicing meditation or prayer alone make you spiritual? Or does it require intent to connect to a larger reality? By definition, contemplation of spirituality is in itself a spiritual practice. Can "contemplating the heavens" as Gretchen Rubin did in her Happiness Project, evoke spirituality? Gretchen states in her book that "according to the research, yes. Studies show that spiritual people are relatively happier; they're more mentally and physically healthy, deal better with stress, have better marriages and live longer."

Spirituality and spiritual practices have always been interesting to me whether or not I agree or disagree with them. So when my friend began telling me about this incredible book series that changed her thoughts on spirituality, I couldn't wait to get my hands on it. Two years later, when she finally lent me the first book, Anastasia in The Ringing Cedar Series, by Vladimir Megre, it just happened to be the month in my happiness project to "contemplate the heavens". (The universe is always working to help me just when I need it)! 17 years ago, while traveling up the Ob River, Megre came to meet a woman named Anastasia living in the Siberian. He describes in detail how he was astounded by her knowledge, power and wisdom. I won't go into details, but I will say this... The book is full of myth-shattering messages that make you wonder, "Can this be true"? Whether or not I believe the words written in the book, one of the underlying messages that stuck with me was to be grateful. One of my commandments in my happiness project is just that... be grateful. I truly believe if you can find something to be grateful for in every situation, it's hard to be negative and unhappy.

Last weekend was Thanksgiving. I love this holiday not only for the turkey and time with family, but because it is a day to truly reflect on all things we are grateful for. This year I am thankful I found inspiration to go back to school; a dream I had been pushing off for years... For my children who are smart, kind and most importantly, healthy... For my husband who supports my dreams and keeps me on my toes... For my family who love me unconditionally and catch me when I fall... The fact that I have a list of friends that are amazing, make me laugh and keep me sane, to name a few.

This month, every morning when I wake up, I will think of all the things I am grateful for that day. Gretchen also used "wasted" time to practice "gratitude meditation". For example, waiting for a train to pass, waiting for a red light, etc. What an awesome idea. I have noticed a huge change in my attitude this year already by focusing on my happiness and gratitude. I'm not perfect by any means and I still have my moments, but I don't dwell on them like I used to. Gretchen also says, "Other people cultivate unhappiness as a way to control others. They cling to unhappiness because without it they'd forgo the special consideration that unhappiness secures: the claim to pity and attention". Life is too short to be one of those people. "In our daily lives, we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but the gratefulness that makes us happy". -Albert Clarke